My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
