he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
