The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
