My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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