My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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