im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
