Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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