I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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