grandma shit on top of the toilet
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
