I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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