What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
