You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
