We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
