I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
