woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My balls are so social today.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm really busy with my period
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