i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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