yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
