Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
