I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
