were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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