Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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