The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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