At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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