oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
