whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
