I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
