forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
