I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
