True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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