and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
