there's paper in my vomit.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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