Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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