Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
