some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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