seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
