Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize