I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
