Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize