Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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