im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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