i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
