you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
