so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
