I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
COCAINE IS GR8
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
