My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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