I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
