...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
