when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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