Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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