We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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