Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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