I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
