I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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