At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
