I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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