he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
