Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
