If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
