used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
