Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
