So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
