Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
