i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
