i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need water and some morals
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
