I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
