I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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