I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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