i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
