im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize