it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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