she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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