the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
