He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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