my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
