I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
