Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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