Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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