Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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