if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize