Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
