He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I believe in your delicious
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
