im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize