Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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